i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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