yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
