I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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