Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
