So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
