I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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