My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
