I want to stick my p in your. b.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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