Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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