Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
