I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
