At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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