I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just high enough for therapy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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