It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
