I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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