I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
