just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
