YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
