You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
