I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
