he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
