It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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