I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
