I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
bring money and cleavage
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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