How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
