Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
