found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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