Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
