It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
