hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tornado booty call.. dedication
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
