How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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