Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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