...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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