please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
