try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
