Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
