I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
