from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
