He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
