I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
