All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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