He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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