Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
