Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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