Umm I'm too high to move.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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