ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We smell like vodka and hangover
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize