I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
