And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
