Ambien. No doubt about it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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