so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
