Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
