please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
