I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
