I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
