dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
