the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
