3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
