Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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