My cat gives me a boner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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